I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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