One girl and one boy is just not enough.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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