What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
