Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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