i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My balls are so social today.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
