i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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