batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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