Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
