I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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