Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
