i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Come share oat with me in your robe
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
