you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
