the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just took my morning after pill in the library
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
