someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
