We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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