I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
