i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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