I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm jealous of your bromance
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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