I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
