I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
