So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
