So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
