Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Randomize
