I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize