if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We are all done wearing pants today
my liver is dry heaving
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
