Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
