I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
