...so i touched it.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
