I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
