I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
