Don't you send me to vm
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
