a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
