if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
