The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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