My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
