whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
wanna go halves on a baby?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
