ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
