look no pants
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
