the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
