May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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