Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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