he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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