my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
