Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
