yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize