Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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