I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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