do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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