id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
