turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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