Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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