so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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