how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Randomize
