I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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