so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
