you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
