i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
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