I bet he comes in French.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
