I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
birth control should be required to get into college
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
