I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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