Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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