I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
