I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize