thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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