If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
