In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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