I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
