wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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