He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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