i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize