All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
