I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
