Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize