so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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