How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
