So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
