just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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