i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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