we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
