So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
