Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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