I could make wine with my vomit
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
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