I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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