You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
