i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
