we have pet lesbian snakes
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
