Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
