I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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