we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
