Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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