so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I have fence marks all over my body
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize