You smell like a Billy Joel song
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
