I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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