so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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