i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
