I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
