I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
