Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
