We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
