she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I can't turn off my feet"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
