i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
