i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
