Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
