Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
