This house was built for laser tag.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
