Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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