The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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