We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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