His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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