Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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