She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I need moral support for this bender
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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