Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
