If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The beer is more important than you right now.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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