Just fell off a train. Bad.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
