fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
