my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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